Quoting

Those who are so fortunate as to know my family, know that we love to quote stuff. This post is a list of some funny quotes that I could think of.


“No more rhymes now. I mean it!” “Anybody want a peanut?” --The Princess Bride

“Mawige. Mawige is what bwings us togetha towday. Mawige dat bwessed awangement. Dat dweam wiffin a dweam. Wuv twoo wuv wil fow you foeva. Have you da wing?” --The Princess Bride

“How was school?” “Worst day of my life what do you think?” --Napoleon Dynamite

“Napoleon, don’t be jealous that I’ve been chatting online with babes all day.” --Napoleon Dynamite

“A hotdog is singing! You need quiet while a hotdog is singing?” --You’ve Got Mail

“Bippity-boppity BACON!!” --Jim Gaffigan

“Let me show you how it’s done... this is a stupid sport.” --Jim Gaffigan

“The worst is being the worst bowler of the group. Then everyone treats you like you have cancer. ‘You can do it. We’re praying for you.’” --Jim Gaffigan

“‘Why don’t you ever make the bed?’ ‘The same reason I don’t tie my shoes after I take them off. It doesn’t make sense.’” --Jim Gaffigan

“Say 8, say 8, say 8, say 8! Happy 8 day!” --Brian Regan

“Number one, do not stand directly in front of a cannon... how true that is.” --Brian Regan

“Number one, remove pastry from pouch. Oh OK. I see where they’re going with this. We’re banging on all cylinders now. Number two, insert pastry... vertically. Oh oh thpppt!” --Brian Regan

“I always admired the kid that spelled it wrong on purpose just so he could sit down. ‘Cat, K-A-T. I’m out.’ And as he passes you , ‘I know there’s two T’s’” --Brian Regan

“Your head pops off that pillow, ‘Oh no! It’s due today! I had nine months to work on it and I did nothing.” --Brian Regan
“‘What have you got there Brian?’ ‘It’s a cup of dirt. Just put an F on there and let me go home’ ‘Well explain it’ ‘Well it’s a cup with dirt in it. I call it cup of dirt.’” --Brian Regan

“OK that one was a little tougher. He either said we should go to the back of the throat or he wants a root beer float.” --Finding Nemo

“If my parents find out, they’re going to bury me alive and dance on my grave. I’m not exaggerating!... OK yes I am, but not the point.” --Meet the Robinsons

“All young ladies are accomplished. They sing, they draw, they dance, speak French and German, cover screens, and I know not what.” --Pride and Prejudice

“Come Darcy, I must have you dance. I must. I hate to see you standing about in this stupid manner. Come, you had much better dance.” -- Pride and Prejudice

“She is tolerable I suppose. But she’s not handsome enough to tempt me.” --Pride and Prejudice

“It’s so fluffy I’m going to die!!!” --Despicable Me

“My dear, do not give way to such gloomy thoughts. Let us hope for better things. Let us flatter ourselves, that I might outlive you.” --Pride and Prejudice

“Joe Jr.’s still single.” “Yeah it’s a shocker.” --While You Were Sleeping

“The truth was I fell in love with you.” “You fell in love with me?” -- While You Were Sleeping

“You know I can’t swim!” “Hence the BOAT” --The Proposal

“Laugh it up fuzzball” --Star Wars V

“Don’t worry Fred, if he hits you with a knife, boy will I boo him.” --The Flintstones

“Do you know how to use that thing?” “Yes. The pointy end goes into the other man.” --The Mask of Zorro

“‘Have you ever been a victim of a crime?’ ‘Yeah I stole 9 cars, I held 5 people at gunpoint, I--’ ‘No VICTIM!’ ‘Oh victim, no.’” --Brian Regan

“She said my boy I think someday, you’ll find a way to make you natural tendencies pay. You’ll be a dentist! You have a talent for causing things pain.” --Little Shop of Horrors

“You finally got into the music. Do you get my joke? Because your head, it’s in the tuba.” --The Princess and the Frog

“Maybe he’s fat. He’s fat. He’s a fatty.” --You’ve Got Mail

“You know who no do. Whack-a-doo. Ratta-tata hey! Why do they call it that?” “What?” “Ratatouille. It’s like a stew right? Why do they call it that? If you’re going to name a food it should sound delicious. Ratatouille doesn’t sound delicious. It sounds like rat and patootey. Rat-patootey! Which does not sound delicious.” --Ratatouille

“SANTA!!!!!! OH MY GOSH!!! Santa here? I know him! I know him!” --Elf

“In DANGER from TOYS?” --Santa Clause is Coming to Town

“Sink me, you tailors have betrayed you!” --The Scarlet Pimpernel

“I can’t see! I can’t see!” “What’s the matter?” “I got my eyes closed.” --The Three Stooges

“I’ve got a name and it’s a boy’s name too.” --Mulan

“You’re the only human I know that snores while he’s awake.” --Get Smart (2008)

“Ooh-ee-ooh-ah-ah-ting-tang-walla-walla-bing-bang.” --Alvin and the Chipmunks

“Turn off the light” “And sleep in the dark? I couldn’t do that.” “Why not?” “The gollywoggles might get me.” --Get Smart

“How do you solve a problem like Maria?” --The Sound of Music

“Charlie, light a match!” --So I Married an Axe Murderer

“We are dead. Soon we will be dead.” “I always liked my head!” “Soon we will be dead.” --Liken’s Ammon and King Lamoni

“After today, y’all be wearing gold plated diapers.” “What does that mean?” “Do not question Bruce Dickenson!” --SNL, More Cowbell

“Sorry. My men are not used to having a pretty face on board.” “If they like me, wait until they get a load of 99.” --Get Smart

“Here we have the meats drawer and uh what you do with that... you would put meats.” --Brian Regan

“I look handsome, I look smart. I am a walking work of art.” --Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat

“The bunny, the bunny, ooh I love the bunny” --Veggietales, Rack Shack and Benny

“I want a potty. I want a cookie. I want to stay up. I want, I want, I want, me, me, me, me, mine, mine, mine, now, now, now!” --Hook

“I like you... I don’t know why.” --Pride and Prejudice: A Latter-day Comedy

“Elizabeth, we have been commanded to multiply and replenish the earth!” --Pride and Prejudice: A Latter-day Comedy

“I had an interesting experience with a woman in this congregation who will remain anonymous. But for the sake of the story we’ll call her Elizabeth B. No, no E. Bennet.” --Pride and Prejudice: A Latter-day Comedy

“My FAT!!” --Get Smart (2008)

“The king’s stinkin’ son fired me and thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. WHile you’re at it, why don’t you get me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it. We’re closed!” --The Princess Bride

“Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die.” --The Princess Bride

“1.21 gigawatts!?!?! 1.21 gigawatts!” --Back to the Future I

“Shtarker, this is KAOS. We don’t ‘doot-doot-doot’ here!” --Get Smart

“He had the nerve to call me a boob? I would never call somebody a boob. He’s a boob! Look at you... yuck.” --Horton Hears a Who

“It’s party time. P-A-R-T-why? Because I gotta!” --The Mask

“That’s a SPICY meata-balla!” --The Mask

“Hey, do you want to hear the most annoying sound in the world?... EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!” --Dumb and Dumber

“Wow that was a nice image. Click, click. Deleted.” --Liar Liar

“WHAT”S WRONG WITH ME!?!?! I’m getting what I deserve. I’m reaping what I sow--” --Liar Liar

“In my world, everyone’s a pony and they all eat rainbows and poop butterflies” --Horton Hears a Who

“If you utter so much as one syllable, I’LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH!!... if you want to fax me, press the star key.” --How the Grinch Stole Christmas

“You’re trying on my shoes?” --While You Were Sleeping

“Hey Luce! Is this guy bothering you?” “No. No.” “Are you sure? Because it looks like he’s leaning.” --While You Were Sleeping

“I was playing choo-choo train!” --Catch That Ghost

“Wait a minute. How did this happen? We’re smarter than this.” --Star Wars III

“Why are you burping?” “I have tummy issues. What, get over it!” --17 Again

“If music be the food of love, play on. Give me excess of it.” --Twelfth Night

“That like asking a porcupine to poop goat cheese... yuck.” --17 Again

“Good morning starshine. The earth says hello!” --Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

“I should turn you in right now” “You wouldn’t. Would you?” “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t” “Because I’m... cute?” --Chicken Run

“Slap. Boom. Twang. Dunk. SPLAT!” --The Great Mouse Detective

“This is my comfy place.” --Home on the Range

“How about some new drapes... and a new robe... and a band-aid.” --Get Smart

“I need to get this speck to the top of Mount Nool ASAP... whatever that means. Probably act swiftly awesome pachyderm.” --Horton Hears a Who

“Ventura!” “Yes Satan?... oh I’m sorry sir. You sounded like someone else.” --Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

“Is this a kissing book?” --The Princess Bride

“What did this do to you? Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity so be honest. How do you feel?” “*cries*” “Interesting.” --The Princess Bride

“I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder and Guilder to frame for it; I'm swamped.” --The Princess Bride

“What in the world could that be?” --The Princess Bride

“LIAR!!! LIAR!!! LIAAAAAAR!!!!” “Get back witch!” “I’m not a witch! I’m your wife! But after what you just said, I’m not even sure I want to be that anymore!” --The Princess Bride

“Bye bye boys!” “Have fun storming the castle!” “Think it’ll work?” “It would take a miracle” --The Princess Bride

“It’s possible pig.” --The Princess Bride

“I object” “I didn’t get to the part yet” “I would have to object too.” “What about you?” “I’m thinking.” --While You Were Sleeping

“Remember the squirrels?” “Don’t even say it.” “FIrst I knocked them out of the nest with a rock” “Peter...” “Then I saved them.” “Ew” --While You Were Sleeping

“Get down on one knee. It’s more romantic” “He’s proposing. Let him do it” “I am letting him do it!” -- While You Were Sleeping

“She’s beautiful, but she’s a PILL!” --You’ve Got Mail

“Happy Thanksgibbing back.” --You’ve Got Mail

“How do you sleep at night?” “I use a wonderful over-the-counter drug, Ultradorm. Don't take the whole thing, just half, and you will wake up without even the tiniest hangover.” --You’ve Got Mail

“Such sorry workmanship would not be tolerated in London for one tiny instant. Look here sir at this limp cravat. I ask you! Or the sorry cut of this sleeve. No, no, no. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Or the sad state of those cuffs. Sink me I can hardly bring myself to look upon them. No sir, if this is the best your tailors can do, t’would serve you better to send them to the guillotine.” --The Scarlet Pimpernel

“I have to dance at least the first two with Mr. Collins.” “Oh yes. He’s threatened to dance with us all.” --Pride and Prejudice

“Soon you’ll be sitting around a campfire with Andy making delicious hot sch’moes.” “They’re called s’mores, Buzz.” --Toy Story 2

“Everything is better. Everything looks better, feels better. Even this Chocolate-Peanut Butter tastes better.” “Good. It’s Fudge-Mint.” --While You Were Sleeping

“Oh Mr. Bennet! What is it!? Are we to be murdered in our beds!?” --Pride and Prejudice

“Run!! RUN!!! He’s gonna git’cha!” --Cars

“Naw dang” --Cars