My Trophies

You know that feeling where your life is utterly meaningless, but there's only one thing in the distant future that keeps you going? That glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel? That trophy at the end of a long run? Well what if someone suddenly blew out that light right as you got there? Or took away the trophy? You'd feel pretty bummed right? The one thing you've been riding on for months has suddenly been pulled out from under you! I have literally been counting the days to this moment, only for it to be pushed back. One day does make a difference! The thought of everyone else out there doing the thing you've been waiting for for months while you have to sit at home doing the same old thing you've been doing every day when you were expecting to be out there with everyone else. Why can't I drive!? If I were at school, I would be able to just walk! But no. I had to be suspended because of my stupid deteriorating brain.
This happens all the time. My trophy always gets yanked away at the last second. But normally, I just suck it up (maybe sulk for a little) and then move on. But NO! Not this time! This has been one of my longest runs and most anticipated trophies in a long time. I have been so psyched for this trophy! I seriously cried when I found out about this trophy and actually cried again when I found out I wasn't getting it when I expected. I have a list of when things that go my way that I add to when I actually get my trophy when I expect to (I started it at the beginning of this year, hoping it would help me be more positive). There are 5 things on it. Five. Out of... well a lot more than five. I don't care how ridiculous the trophy may seem to other people. I am excited about it and it has given me something to look forward to. And when I don't get my trophy, it just disappoints and ticks me off. It doesn't give me "one more day of anticipation". And the longer the run has been, the testier I get when it comes to receiving the trophy. If it is planned out in advance when I will receive the trophy (whether out loud or in my head) and suddenly at the last minute, it switches... all my impatience surfaces in unpleasant emotions.


...This happened with Tangled too. We had to wait SO LONG!

And The Princess and the Frog! I had to talk Dad into dropping me off after some church activity on a Saturday two days after it came out.

This is why I never ask for anything. Because I don't get it, or we don't do it forever, or it's pushed to the side while we do other people's things, and sometimes forgotten about until I bring it up again.

I'm not asking anyone to really understand my need to get my trophy the day of, but just try to accept it's one of the few things I ask for and try to help me out. The only time it's ever happened is while I was at college and I could walk myself. I don't care if I see it with anyone, I'll go sit in between strangers because you're not supposed to talk anyway. I just want to see the blinkin' movie! The second or third time, I'll go see it with the family (which is often why my trophy gets taken away or pushed back a day). Because I'll still have the same opinions and it'll still be awesome! (Because I probably won't be so psyched about something that turns out to be so bad I won't want to see it again).


Now just to clarify, my trophies are not just movies, but those are often the longest anticipated that are most frequently yanked away from me and just so happen to be what sparked this post.