Kelsi Swears

Alright, you know Mormons don't swear and they've got their own "swear" words like "gosh" and "darn" and "fudge" and "dang" and so on. But it seems that recently, a lot of those words are basically the same as real swear words in Mormon culture. I mean a lot of Mormons are almost as easily offended by those words as by real swear words, just because they know they're replacing the actual word. And, alright, I get it. Those words are too close to the actual word, so what's the point? But, seriously, when you're in pain or when you're frustrated, you just HAVE to shout something.

So over the years, I've come up with some of my own swear words. Some original, some not:

Fudge muffin- This is probably the one I use the most. I use it in all context. It's the universal "swear" word. As a frustrated thing to shout "Oh fudge muffin!" (or when I'm in pain). Or when I'm confused "what the fudge muffin?". Or when I'm insulting someone "he's such a fudge muffin". Or when I'm describing something "that hurt like a fudge muffin".

Sweet celery sticks- I don't use this one as much as I used to, which is a shame because I really kind of like it. I have no idea how I came up with it. It's just something I shout when in pain or angry.

Mother hugger- Another one I shout when in pain or angry. I also use it as an insult "you mother hugger". Sometimes I use it as an adjective "she's such a mother hugging idiot". I didn't make it up because I've heard a few people use it before, but it's definitely not a common one you hear everyday.

Gosh didily darn- Another cry for pain or anger. A twist on two of the Mormon "swears".

Mother of Pearl- Definitely not an original one, but I use it a lot. An exclamation. I also say "sweet mother of Pearl" when particularly excited.

For the love of Pete- I don't know who Pete is, but I use his name in vain a lot. Just another exclamation. I mostly use this one when frustrated.

Sweet mother of all that's holy- I never vary the wording on this. Never "mother of all that's holy" or anything. It's always exactly as I wrote it.

Mother of Moses- Yet another exclamation. Sometimes it's "sweet mother of Moses" when I get really excited.

Then of course, I still do use the "Mormon swear words". I can't help it. I was raised a Mormon.