Personality Traits are Habits

Everyone has that one personality trait that has been a little bit of a challenge for them (or perhaps, for somebody else) in their life time. Why is it so hard to change?

Have you ever tried kicking a habit? Like stop drinking soda, or stop biting your nails, or stop leaving your dishes in the sink? It's really hard to do. I believe that actual personality traits are like habits.

When I was a kid and into high school, I was intensely shy. You would not catch me ever talking to someone I never met before unless forced into it (even then, I would sometimes put up a fuss). I would not even order food at restaurants because it scared me so much to talk to people. If a situation ever came up where I had to talk to someone, I would just decide, “Eh, I didn’t really want to do that anyway,” and not do it altogether.

Because of my shyness, I was completely anti-social. I hated parties and social events. I think I went to less than five Stake dances in my entire youth (and I was practically dragged there every single time). If I ever had to go somewhere with a lot of people, I would always just sit in the corner and not talk to anyone. Trips to the bathroom to sit on the toilet by myself were a common trend.

Having friends helped out, of course. I preferred to just chill with them, but if I ever had to go somewhere where there was potential for someone to approach me and talk to me or I would be forced into socializing with someone new (such as Stake dances or EFY), I absolutely refused.

I began to open up a bit in high school. I blame it all on my friend, Angela. Freshman year, she participated in the school play and had a blast. So, the next year, she wanted to do it again and wanted all of us to do it with her. Somehow, she managed to convince only me to do it. I felt comfortable since I would know someone there (her) and I signed up for an audition. However, at the last minute, right before auditions, she dropped out because of her busy schedule with ballet. 

I don’t remember exactly why, because it completely went against my character at the time, but I went to the audition anyway. I got a minor part and participated in the play. Like Angela did before me, I had a blast! I was surrounded by all sorts of new people and was forced to socialize. I made tons of new friends and had a lot of fun. It was then that I began to realize that talking to people is not so bad. I then participated in the play every year for the remainder of my high school career.

I continued to improve throughout the years in my social skills. I got immensely better after I secured a job at Togo’s and would often have to carry a conversation with chatty customers or befriend new coworkers.

Now that you know my entire history, I’ll get to the point: 

Even though I have become much more comfortable with talking to people, I still have lingering shyness and social anxiety. A lot of the time when I’m invited to a large social function, my first reaction is, “No way!”, but I have to stop and think about it and how fun it will actually probably be. 

Also, I always feel terribly awkward meeting people for the first time. I rarely make the first move. On anything. I have this overwhelming fear of rejection. I’m not usually consciously thinking about that though. Often, I just can’t think of what to say. I’m no good at thinking on my feet. (Hence, the writing.)

So, my main point:

Even though shyness is a personality trait, I think it is also sort of like a habit. I was shy for so many years of my life. It’s like an old habit I cannot get rid of. I’ve managed to improve myself a lot over the years that I actually kind of enjoy a lot of things I used to hate as a kid/preteen (such as dances). 

I think any sort of personality trait is like this: awkwardness, social anxiety, obliviousness, etc. 

There’s the saying “people never change” and I’m not sure if I agree with it or not. Based on my experience with the shyness, it seems that I might never change. I will always have the same reaction to social situations as I always have, even if they become a bit diluted. But then, looking back, I have definitely changed a little bit. Like I said, I do actually enjoy some things that I used to hate before, I can carry a conversation a lot more easily than I used to, I definitely don’t find it hard to order food anymore. 

It may have taken some time, but I have reached that point. It may take a lot more time, but maybe some day I will have conquered my shyness completely! The same can be said for any stumbling block in out lives. Like with habits, you really have to work at it to get rid of these pesky personality traits and natural reactions. You have to consciously think about it and make the decision.