Tuesday, September 7, 2021

Top 10 New Girl Episodes

I watched the entirety of New Girl recently and now I am in the process of rewatching it.  


Every sitcom has a certain style and humor. Usually you can watch it and understand what it's trying to do and maybe laugh at some of the physical humor or enjoy the actors's performances or whatever, but until it clicks for you how the show works, you never TRULY enjoy it. 


For example, The Office. It relies on making you uncomfortable. All the characters are weird and cringey. However, it's a character-driven show. The only way to really enjoy it is if you understand the characters. Once you get a grasp on how individually stupid everyone is, you can then become more comfortable with laughing at their antics because you understand them. 

This is how it was for me and New Girl. I had a sort of difficult time getting into it at first. I could tell it was funny and could understand why people found it funny, but I personally wasn't SUPER into it for a while. It wasn't until about season 3 when it did finally click (I know, that's kind of late). It was such a small, kind of insignificant moment, but I suddenly understood... This is also a character-driven show, but it's not like The Office where they're cringey, socially-inept weirdos... in this case, they're just awkward weirdos with completely different personalities who are friends for some reason. And they're all so STUPID! It's all kind of a contradiction; they're functioning adults and APPEAR as functioning adults, but they do the most insane things and get into the weirdest situations as a result of their own stupidity.

Well anyways, I've found it hysterical ever since that moment clicked for me and going back on the rewatch, everything else is 10x funnier. 


(If you're wondering what that moment was... It was in 3x12 when Schmidt is upset that his older colleague is upstaging him at work and stealing his ideas. He and Winston are trying to figure out how to overthrow him, but don't know anybody his age. Suddenly, Nick sits down and starts complaining about how he doesn't want to use his camera's phone because the government is watching through it... It's just, at that moment I knew that Nick was the old man and I always knew he was and I realized that I always knew that. And once I did... everything all fell into place.)


So I've compiled a list of my favorite New Girl episodes:


10) Table 34 (2x16)

After a spontaneous kiss, Jess and Nick try to avoid each other by attending an Indian marriage conference with Cece and Schmidt respectively.

I like this one because it’s obviously very funny, but it also doesn’t give us exactly everything you’re expecting. The previous episode (which I will go into shortly) was one of those “YES!! FINALLY!!!” episodes, so this is the aftermath. It’s good because it’s not a happily ever after, everything is given to you with a bow on top. However, it’s not a huge disappointment either. I LOVE that they’re at this marriage convention (basically like hardcore speed dating). So all these characters are thrown together in different scenarios with all their different mindsets. It’s just a great way to deal with the repercussions of the last episode. 

QUOTE: “You know why we’re at Table 34?”

“Because we’re both bad at life, but we’ve got model good looks.”


9) Parking Spot (2x17)

Schmidt discovers a free parking spot which all the roommates battle for. 

I love how much things escalate in this episode. Total typical sitcom fashion. But what really gets me is that this is still post-kiss awkwardness and how it plays into everything. The way Schmidt finally finds out is hilarious. The side story with Winston trying to find a condom is whatever. It’s another example of things taken to the extreme, but in this case it doesn’t actually work, especially when it’s side-by-side with another story that totally works. 

QUOTE: "You think that I'm blind? You think that I can't hear it? You think that I can't smell it? The stench of filth and lust is all over this room. It smells like frickin' Tijuana!"


8) Pepperwood (2x14)

Jess believes she is finally making progress with one of her creative writing students, but Nick is suspicious of his gruesome descriptions. So, he goes undercover in Jess’s class to spy on him. Meanwhile, Schmidt tries to get Winston to tell him what everyone talks about behind his back.

The birth of Julius Pepperwood! Both stories in this episode are great, but I am quite partial to the main plot with the creative writing student. He DOES legit seem like a serial killer! It’s hilarious! We love a good Nick/Jess mess around. “Apricots!” There’s so many gems in this one.

QUOTE: “I’m from Chicago. Thin crust pizza? No thank you. I’m from Chicago."


7) Injured (1x15)

After getting injured during a game of touch football, Nick goes to Jess’s gynecologist friend for a checkup. However, he gets more than he bargained for and soon his friends are preparing for his inevitable death.

At first glance, I wasn’t overwhelmed by this one, but on a second viewing, I REALLY liked it. It’s SO funny and it’s also got a lot of heart and emotion behind it. The entire scene where they’re at the bar singing the “sad song”… I cannot even! I'm pretty sure the majority of that was improvised. It had to be. But then it’s got these other moments like Nick having a full breakdown (like, it actually surprised me how emotional it got) and then everyone pitching in to pay the medical bill. Man, it’s such a good episode!

QUOTE: “You don’t get to speak at my funeral. My funeral is my time to shine!”


6) Cooler (2x15)

The guys leave Jess behind when they decide to go clubbing, believing she is their “cooler” (the PG term for "cock block"). However, Jess finds herself increasingly bored, lonely, and afraid. Meanwhile, Schmidt and Nick vie for the attention of a woman who is turned on by other’s sadness.

If this episode isn’t on your list, are you even a New Girl fan? Absolutely iconic! Even without that ending, it’s still a really good episode. A return of the True American game. I love the Nick melon that Jess makes— the hoodie, the stubble, the frown, and I noticed that it’s even holding a beer which cracks me up. Brenda Song makes an appearance which, as a Disney Channel fan, was fun to see. Then, of course, that phenomenal kiss! I mean, the buildup to it was so good. And then they make you think it’s not going to happen and then BAM! *applauds*

QUOTE: “It’s not you. It’s the way that you behave, the things that you say, the look on your face.”


5) Landlord (1x12)

Against the guys’s warnings, Jess attempts to befriend the surly landlord. The man soon becomes the subject of debate between Jess and Nick on whether people are inherently good or bad. Schmidt, meanwhile, attempts to figure out if his boss is coming onto him.

This episode was the first episode that truly cracked me up on first viewing. From the guys’s mad scramble to throw Schmidt’s stuff out the window to Nick’s story about why people are the worst to Schmidt’s New Years resolutions to the grand finale of the three way! Everything about that three way scene is priceless! The song, the dancing, Nick’s facial expressions… I cannot!

QUOTE: "He has a gun and you're dressed like a bullseye!"


4) Spiderhunt (4x17)

Jess organizes a hunt for a spider in the apartment. Cece deals with her feelings for Schmidt, but Jess misinterprets and believes she has feelings for Nick. Coach, meanwhile, tries to write an email to a girl he likes.

The popcorn machine. Need I say more? That is some classic comic misunderstanding right there. Absolutely hysterical! Someone pointed out it's kind of like the game in Whose Line is it Anyway "Things you can say about ___, but not your girlfriend." It 100% is! Things you can say about a popcorn machine, but not Cece. All the plots in this are pretty good-- Nick's mysterious "sauce", Schmidt's over-the-top fear of spiders, Coach's weird drafts of his email, and of course the entire thing with Cece, Winston, and Jess (and eventually Nick). I know the running gag through the show is that Nick is a terrible liar, but man, Winston is up there lol. The ways he tries to cover for Cece is too much. I can't believe Jess actually falls for Cece liking Nick. I would believe her liking Winston before she liked Nick (which he tried to sell her on first lolz). But I cannot get over "he said she ugly. He said she look like a dang ol' meatball with hair." OMG! I love all these characters so much! And the actual spider hunt itself is so ridiculous. The teams and their tasks XD

QUOTE: "It could be right above our heads right now hanging by its butt rope."


3) Prince (3x14)

Jess and Cece are invited to a high-end party hosted by the one and only Prince. However, the entire night is thrown into chaos when Nick accidentally tells Jess something he shouldn’t have and the guys decide to crash the party as well to set things right.

This episode had the first moment where I had to rewind and watch again because it was so funny: Nick and Jess meeting Prince for the first time. Absolutely iconic! Also, “Fire and Ice” is so random and I can’t believe it actually works. I love Nick and Schmidt’s alternative that completely flops so Nick “Trojan Horses” in with models. Why is this show so funny!? Of course, this episode is absolutely key to a significant turn in Nick and Jess’s relationship. Love to see it! Then, obviously, me must address the fact that it is actually Prince starring as himself. And yes, he sings. 

QUOTE: “How did you know the words?” 

“I think Prince is magic.” 

“I’ve always thought Prince was magic.”


2) Quick Hardening Caulk (2x19)

Jess suddenly finds herself yearning madly for an oblivious Nick who is working hard to impress his new boss. Meanwhile, Schmidt becomes obsessed with obtaining a rare California Lion Fish.

I always thought the first choice pick for this list was obvious, but I rewatched this one recently and suddenly I was torn. This episode is hi-LAR-ious! Absolutely every single moment is gold! The entire scene in the hardware store is too much! Nick and the chain! Why is he pulling it like that? And the innuendos. Why!? And then Jess on drugs is the best. Can we give a shoutout to Bob? The ultimate homie? Lol Also, that ending— even though it didn’t go anywhere— was extremely satisfying. Then we have the very iconic bit of Schmidt projecting his very obvious desire for Cece into his desire for the Lion Fish. Him and Winston in the ocean! Oh my word!

QUOTE: “I don’t want some janky freshwater bitch fish, Winston. I want a Lion Fish.”


1) Background Check (4x06)

To wrap up Winston’s police training, a sergeant is stopping by the Loft for a background check. Unfortunately, Jess lets everyone know that she has a huge bag of meth hidden in her closet. Everything descends into complete madness as everyone attempts to distract the sergeant, dispose of the meth, and talk Winston up all while appearing completely normal.

It was kind of a debate between this one and “Quick Hardening Caulk.” Both are equally hysterical and fun. But I decided to rate this one as number one because every single character is involved (even Coach and Cece) and it all (for the most part) takes place in the Loft. That can be difficult to juggle around, but this episode pulls it off perfectly. The anarchy this episode descends into; I love it! It’s also got one of my favorite reoccurring jokes at center stage: Nick’s inability to lie. I cannot even begin to describe everything that happens in this episode, there’s so much ridiculousness and hilarity. It’s really something that has to be witnessed.

QUOTE: "It's from Sergeant Tess Dorado. The Fish. I'm pretty sure they call her The Fish because she's tough but fair, just like most fish I've interacted with."

"Winston, "dorado" is a fish. It's a subset of mahi-mahi and it pairs very nicely with citrus, you oaf."


HONOARABLE MENTIONS:

Naked (1x04)

Approaching his first date since his breakup with Caroline, Nick tries to hype himself up by dancing naked in his room. Unfortunately, Jess walks in on him and completely breaks what little confidence he had. Meanwhile, Winston tries to catch up on the two years of pop culture he missed while in Latvia. Schmidt realizes he is the only one who hasn’t seen Nick’s penis and makes it his mission to see it.


Fluffer (2x03)

Nick worries that he night be filling Jess's emotional needs since her relationship with Sam is purely physical... becoming her boyfriend without the rewards. Meanwhile, Schmidt poses as a Romney brother in an attempt seduce some women.


Menzies (2x07)

Schmidt brings down the hammer with Jess, shutting everything down until she pays her bills, forcing her to go find a job. Unfortunately for her, she happens to be menstruating which sabotages her chances. Winston believes he is getting his period. Nick befriends a man on a bench and attempts to overcome his anger problems.


Coach (3x07)

When Coach comes back to town, he takes the guys out for a wild night to a strip club. Jess is upset at Nick for going and for not being able to call her his girlfriend, so she seeks revenge by having "hot conversation" with an attractive coffee shop owner.


Basketsball (3x12)

Jess seeks to befriend Coach by watching basketball with him. Nick grows jealous that Jess is pretending to like his rival team. Meanwhile, Winston shadows Schmidt at work where there is a new hire: an old man.


Dance (3x22)

Jess is in charge of a dance at her school, but someone is out to sabotage it. She has to call in her friends to chaperone while they search for the saboteur.

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