After this General Conference and the talk on remembering our spiritual experiences, I thought I would write down some of my most poignant spiritual experiences (at least the ones I can share). These are some of the most prominent ones in my life that I often recall to help me remember that God is always looking out for me and that He loves me.
The scriptures frequently exhort us to remember. One time when I was reading through the Book of Mormon, I marked down any reference to “remember” and there was an awful lot. It is extremely important for us to recall those moments when we feel the Spirit or how we have been blessed because in the future, we will have dark times and/or get caught up in things of the world and it is easy to forget how much God loves us.
As I said, these are some of the moments I often recall when in moments of doubt or despair...
Finding Macy
This is one of my earlier memories, but it is definitely very vivid. I was barely a teenager and hadn’t experienced a lot of spiritual insight at that point. I believed the church was true and I had faith in Christ and all that, but I had yet to have a great experience where I truly “knew for myself.”
Anyways, on this particular day it was raining quite hard and we were all just hanging out inside. We had let the dogs (Chase- our older dog, and Macy- our puppy who wasn’t even a year old yet) outside to relieve themselves and to run around after being cooped up inside for so long. However, when we went to let them back in, they didn’t come at our call and we realized they had escaped the yard. They could’ve gone anywhere-- behind our house on the hill or they could’ve been roaming the neighborhood. Mom drove around in the car while us kids hopped on our bikes to search in the pouring rain.
After probably almost an hour with no luck, we all convened at the house. We decided to say a prayer together. We prayed fervently that we would be able to find them both soon and that they would be safe. After the prayer finished, we separated again to continue the search.
My mom soon called me, telling me she had found Chase fairly close to our house, running around in a field, but no sign of Macy. This was worrying since she was still a puppy and hadn’t been out on her own before.
As I was riding my bike, I had this thought that I should ride down to the other side of our (rather large) neighborhood. This would have been a major inconvenience for me because I would not only have to ride a long distance, but at the end, I would have to ride down a HUGE hill which meant riding back up it afterwards. However, I ultimately decided I would go since we had already checked everywhere else.
I got to the hill and rode down. At first, I had only planned to ride to the bottom and then ride back up again if I didn’t see Macy anywhere, but then I had another thought to ride down the back road towards the front gate. Again, I didn’t think it would be necessary since it was SO far away from our house and there was no way baby Macy would be able to get that far. However, I once more thought there would be no harm in going that way.
As I rode, I looked out towards the highway and just as I was coming towards the turn towards the front gate, some movement caught my eye in the cow pasture. I immediately stopped, hope rising in my chest. Again, I saw it. Sure enough, it was a dark puppy galloping towards the highway!
I quickly hopped off my bike and began calling to her. She stopped at my voice and it took her a while to realize who I was, but after some coaxing, she finally came to me. She was so cold and wet. I called my mom to come pick her up, leaving me to ride home. The ride home was just as long and hard as I expected it to be, but it felt worth it because Macy had been recovered and I knew she was home safe.
I realized if I had not been there when I was, she would have ended up running straight into the highway. I recognized those thoughts I had of going to the back road even though it seemed ridiculous and hard as promptings. I will always remember that it was not me who rescued Macy, it was the Lord.
Clearing away dark feelings
There was one time I was praying a few years ago. I had just watched an extremely good video on the Book of Mormon and was feeling very strongly about its truthfulness. After watching it, I knelt down to express my gratitude and to confirm the truth once again. However, just as I was in the midst of my prayer, I found I could not concentrate. All sorts of random thoughts entered my mind and I found it difficult to focus on what I was trying to say. I buckled down to try and get what I was trying to say out. But then it got worse...
The thoughts became not only distracting, but doubtful. I was beginning to question the Book of Mormon, the church, and everything. I kept trying to recall the feelings I had just felt while watching the video, but I was having a very difficult time. The longer I spent on my knees, the worse it got. No matter what I did, I could not shake these doubts and dark feelings. Suddenly, I remembered Joseph Smith’s account of the First Vision. He had described having similar feelings, though maybe mine weren’t as torturous as his (he talked about feeling the depths of hell). As I remembered this, I also remembered what Joseph Smith did to combat it: he cried out to God to save him. So that’s exactly what I did.
I just suddenly begged God to take away these negative feelings. I had complete faith that he would banish Satan’s presence from me at this time (because I knew that’s exactly who was responsible for this).
No soon had I asked for it, did all the negativity and darkness suddenly lift. I had never experienced such a feeling. It was literally like a heavy, suffocating blanket being lifted from me and I could suddenly breathe. And not only was I free of the darkness, but it was also replaced with actual happiness and joy that I can only describe as God’s love. I can 100% confirm that God’s presence had banished Satan from my mind and he was there for me when I called for Him in faith.
Pulling me out of depression
I went through a very tough time right after high school. Some may know that I have epilepsy. I was being treated all through high school and just when I graduated, my medicine got switched. Little did I know, but it began to mess with my brain; to name a few problems, I had a hard time focusing, I suffered some minor memory problems, and I lost my motivation to do things, even things I enjoyed. This began to have a terrible effect on my school work in college. By my third semester, I was put on academic probation because of my poor grades and was sent home.
As I was home, I had absolutely no motivation or joy for anything. My dad describes me as having “lost my spirit.” I was home for months with nothing to do and no desire to do anything anyways. I had lost a lot of weight because of the medicine as well, plus I was still having seizures. So not only was I suffering mentally, but physically. My parents kept trying to get me to find a job, but I was unsuccessful.
All this really began to weigh down on me. I was so upset that I wasn’t the same as I used to be. I would constantly have these moments of depression where all my problems would just overwhelm me where I would cry over being suspended from school, not having a job, losing my talents, losing my memory, no social life, no certain future, feeling out of tune with heaven, etc. Why were all these things happening to me?
Fortunately, I still managed to cling to my faith during this troubling time. I always remembered that Jesus Christ would pull you out of the pits of despair if you sought Him out. So I did my best to seek Him out the only way I knew how: prayer and scripture study.
One day I was reading the scriptures when I was feeling particularly depressed. I decided to randomly open the scriptures and read whatever was there. I happened to open up to Doctrine and Covenants 39. I read verses 8-12 Basically to sum it up it said that your heart is in the right place before me, I know you have seen great sorrow because you have been prideful and focusing on worldly things. But you’ll soon be delivered if you will listen to me. (Then it says to be baptized, but I knew it meant something else for me since I was already baptized). And if you do this, I have prepared you for a great work to preach the gospel.
I pondered over this and ultimately came to conclusion that I was meant to go on a mission. When I came to that conclusion, I felt so at peace for the first time in months. I just knew it was the right decision.
This is ultimately what pulled me out of my rut. As I began preparing to go on a mission, my connection with God was strengthened and I actually found something to work towards and to be excited for once again. It’s not that I didn’t find it hard to motivate myself sometimes, but it was suddenly easier than it had been.
As some of you might know, I ultimately did not get to go on a mission because, once again, because of my epilepsy, but I am completely confident that the answer I received from the scriptures that day was the one I needed. It is completely possible that if I had not been prompted to begin preparing for a mission, I might’ve sunk even lower into actual depression. Preparing for a mission was exactly what I needed to reconnect me with God and to restore my confidence in myself. It also set me on the path I needed to be on to prepare me for things that came later in my life. I am very grateful for all of it and I see it as proof that God has the eternal perspective and is always watching out for me.
Bringing me back
This is very recent, only happening a few weeks ago, but I know I will constantly look back on it for the rest of my life.
It all started when a lot of small things began changing in my life. I have looked back afterwards and realized how my life was getting manipulated so gradually. First, my work schedule became so busy, that I would come home so tired and would just miss my “me” time. So I wouldn’t really do anything productive that often. This could easily turn to idleness or slothfulness, which, I fear, it did.
Then, also because of this constant tiredness, my daily prayer/scripture study began to slack. I would just get in bed, thinking things like, “one night won’t hurt. I’m SO tired. I’ll just pray tomorrow.” And then I wouldn’t pray the next night either. This started becoming habit and soon I wasn’t praying or reading at all.
Not long after this started to become habit, my church attendance began to slack. I never actually stopped going, but I certainly was not engaged at all in what was going on.
And THEN my trials started picking up. They weren’t unusual trials. They were all things I’d experienced in the past (like seizures, works troubles, etc.). However, I found I was having an extremely difficult time bearing them. Everything seemed 10x more stressful. In hindsight, it’s because I was spiritually starved. And all the while, I never realized what was happening. I just became more and more frustrated, tired, and angry.
Finally, one Sunday, my parents invited me to come with them to the YSA where they presided. I did so and attended Relief Society. The lesson was based around “Power to Overcome the Adversary” by Peter M. Johnson from October 2019 Conference. Someone made the comment about how if Satan came up to and said “I am going to make you leave the church right now” you’d think that was ridiculous because you believe so strongly. However, Satan doesn’t work like that, he works little by little and chips away at your faith, bringing you down slowly through weaknesses until he can finally knock you down.
That’s when it suddenly dawned on me. I had a total light bulb moment. I realized that was EXACTLY what was happening to me. I was being slowly chipped away at. I had unintentionally let him through an innocent weakness of just being tired. He talked me into skipping my prayers one time because I was so tired, but then after doing it once, he was able to talk me into it again and again. Then after talking me into that, he was more easily convince me of other things. I realized in that moment that if I continued down this road that he could ultimately convince me to leave the church. It might seem ridiculous at the moment, but the more he chipped away at me, it COULD just be possible.
I vowed right there that I would put a stop to it and that I would never skip a prayer again. I knew that I was meant to be in that YSA Relief Society to hear that message. It was just a gentle nudge, but it was exactly what I needed to save me before I fell too far.
